One of my patients, a successful businessman, tells me that before his cancer he would become depressed unless things went a certain way. Happiness was "having the cookie." If you had the cookie, things were good. If you didn't have the cookie, life wasn't worth a damn. Unfortunately, the cookie kept changing. Some of the time it was money, sometimes power, sometimes sex. At other times, it was the new car, the biggest contract, the most prestigious address. A year and a half after his diagnosis of prostate cancer he sits shaking his head ruefully. "It's like I stopped learning how to live after I was a kid. When I give my son a cookie, he is happy. If I take the cookie away or it breaks, he is unhappy. But he is two and a half and I am forty-three. It's taken me this long to understand that the cookie will never make me happy for long. The minute you have the cookie it starts to crumble or you start to worry about it crumbling or about someone trying to take it away from you. You know, you have to give up a lot of things to take care of the cookie, to keep it from crumbling and be sure that no one takes it away from you. You may not even get a chance to eat it because you are so busy just trying not to lose it. Having the cookie is not what life is about."
My patient laughs and says cancer has changed him. For the first time he is happy. No matter if his business is doing well or not, no matter if he wins or loses at golf. "Two years ago, cancer asked me, 'Okay, what's important? What is really important?' Well, life is important. Life. Life any way you can have it, life with the cookie, life without the cookie. Happiness does not have anything to do with the cookie; it has to do with being alive. Before, who made the time?" He pauses thoughtfully. "Damn, I guess life is the cookie."
我有一位病人，他是一個成功的商人，告訴我，在他患癌癥之前，凡事如果沒有確定下來他就憂心忡忡。對他而言，幸福是“擁有小甜餅”。如果你擁有了小甜餅，一切都一帆風順。如果你沒有小甜餅，生活就一文不值。不幸的是，小甜餅總是不斷變換著，有時是金錢，有時是權力，有時是欲望。在其他時候，它是一輛新車、一份數額最大的合同、或者一個享有聲望的通訊地址。在他被診斷出患有前列腺癌的一年半之后，他坐在那里，悲天憫人地搖著頭，說：“長大以后，我好像就不知道怎樣生活了。當我給我兒子一個小甜餅時，他心花怒放。如果我拿走甜餅或者是小甜餅碎了，他就悶悶不樂。不同的是，他只有兩歲半，而我已經43了。我花了這么長的時間才明白小甜餅并不能使我長久感到幸福。從你擁有小甜餅的那一刻，它就開始破碎，或者你就開始擔心它會破碎，抑或你開始擔心別人拿走它。為了守護你的小甜餅，為了防止它破碎或者確定別人不會從你手中奪走它，你不得不放棄許多東西。你忙于不讓自己失去它，甚至沒有時間享受它。擁有小甜餅并不是生活的全部內容。”
我的病人笑著說癌癥已經改變了他。不論他的生意是否一帆風順，不論他在打高爾夫球時是輸是贏，他有生以來第一次感到幸福。“兩年前，癌癥問我‘什么重要？什么才真正的重要？’對，生命重要。生命。生命，無論如何你擁有生命。有小甜餅也罷，沒有小甜餅也罷，幸福與小甜餅并非息息相關，而是與生命的存在有關。可是，時光一去不復返，誰又能讓時光倒流呢？”他停頓了一下，若有所思，說：“該死，我覺得生命就是那塊小甜餅”。
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