Being disappointed is all about perspective. It took me a long time to realize this. I was under the impression that if someone did something I didn't like, or a situation evolved that I wasn't happy with, then I had the "right" to be disappointed. Of course the disappointment always led to me having the "right" to be upset, depressed, frustrated or even angry. After all, the situation didn't turn out the way it was supposed to, or a particular person didn't behave the way I believed they should. Therefore, it was disappointing to me and I felt let down. I never once thought it was just my perception of the matter that was causing my disappointment and that I could control this!
What I slowly began to realize through studying myself, as well as paying attention to others around me, was that those things that would upset me, would not upset someone else. I also noticed that those things that appeared to be the biggest deal to someone else, only made me laugh. So what was going on? Obviously, it couldn't be the situation itself because that was the one constant thing in each equation. What did change was who was interpreting the situation. That was what was different. So I began to wonder if my perception of a situation, any situation, was something I could control? Could I change the way I perceived something, and therefore, change my emotional reaction? I discovered, that yes it was possible. I wasn't necessarily in control over what happened to me, or around me, but I was definitely in control over how I responded to those situations.
I began to play with this idea a bit. I believe that the people in our lives are great mirrors for how we think and behave, and therefore, can be great educational tools. So I started to focus on the people at work, my fellow employees as well as the customers. I began to pay close attention to what it was they were complaining about and the reasons behind their getting disappointed or upset. I would perceive the situation through their eyes, and then I would force myself to step back from the situation and see the bigger picture. What I always got from this exercise was a different perspective.
What I began to see over and over again was that when most of us get upset it is for one reason and one reason only. The universe is not behaving the way we believe it should behave. This could mean that we didn't get the raise we believed we were entitled too, so we become disappointed. If we had not expected a raise in the first place, however, we never would have been disappointed would we? It could also mean that someone does not treat us in a particular way that we believe we should be treated. Or our dreams don't turn out the way we believe they should have turned out. Or an investment didn't work out the way we thought it would. Or someone dies before we believe they should die. It can be as heavy as that. I am not saying it isn't sad, but at the same time it isn't our choice to say how long someone is to live, now is it? Those are our perceptions of what we want, of how we want the universe to behave. When we get disappointed, we never stop and think that it is our perceptions or beliefs that are wrong. We think it is the universe that is wrong because of how we feel personally! That is a pretty grand stand to take when you think about it.
So how do we change our perceptions? By becoming more aware of what your perceptions and beliefs are. You cannot change what you do not understand. So spend some time looking internally and when you become disappointed, think about what is disappointing you. Is it really the situation or the person, or is it because they are not behaving in a way you believe they should behave? Then slowly as you do this, force yourself to look at the bigger picture of what is going on. Force yourself to see the situation from a new perspective and offer positive spins on what has happened. I believe that the more you do this, the less you will be disappointed because you will stop taking things so personally. You will also begin to realize that the way things turn out are the way things are supposed to turn out, whether they are in line with your beliefs or not. This will lead you to feeling more in control of your emotions as well as of your behaviors and actions. You will also be able to use any challenge as an opportunity to grow, develop, and move your life forward, because you will not continuously be knocked down by disappointment.
所有失望都來源于希望，這是我花了很長時間才明白的。我一直抱著這樣的想法，如果有人做了我不喜歡的事，或形勢發展不如我所愿，我就有“權利”失望。當然了，失望總會導致我有 “權利”煩惱、消沉、失意，甚至生氣。總之，只要形勢發展的結果不是我所期望的，或者某個特殊人物的行為方式是我認為他不該有的，就會令我失望，我就會感到沮喪。我從沒想到正是自己對事物的認知角度引起了自己的失望，而那是自己可以控制的！
通過對自己的研究，也注意觀察周圍的人，我才慢慢明白了，那些令我煩惱的事情，并不會令別人煩惱。我還注意到那些對別人來說比天大的事情，只會令我一笑而過。那么，這是怎么回事呢？很顯然，這并不在于事情的本身，因為在任何同類情況下，它始終如此。真正發生變化的是涉入其中的人。這才是不同之處。因此，我開始想自己對任何情境的認識是否能夠掌控？自己是否能改變認識事物的方式，從而改變自己的心理反應？我發現，是的，這是可能的。我不一定能控制發生在自己身上或自己周圍的事，但是我完全能夠控制自己應對那些情況的反應。
我開始發揮這一想法。我相信，生活中的人們是自己的想法和行為的真實反映，因而，能成為巨大的咨詢工具。于是，我開始把注意力集中到工作中的人們，我的同事，以及顧客。我開始密切注意他們抱怨些什么，以及他們感到失望或煩惱的原因。我會通過他們的眼神感知真實的情況，然后迫使自己退后一步，看得更全面些。從這個實驗中我總是能夠得到不同的認識。
我再三發現的是，大多數人感到煩惱的時候，只為一個原因，只有一個。那就是，天地萬物沒有按我們認為它們應該的那樣表現。這可能意味著我們沒有得到本來相信自己有資格得到的提升，因而失望。如果一開始我們就沒有指望得到提升，那么就永遠不會感到失望，不是嗎？也可能意味著某人沒有像我們認為自己應該得到的特殊方式去對待我們?；蛘?，我們的夢想沒有像自己認為的那樣變為現實。或者某項投資沒有如我們想像的那樣成功?；蛘?，某人出乎我們意外地去世。事實可能就是這么沉重。我并不是說這不令人難過，但是，說某人能活多久并不是我們能夠選擇的，不是嗎？那都是我們的主觀愿望，是我們對天地萬物如何表現的期望。當我們感到失望的時候，從來沒有停下來想一想是我們的理解或信仰出了錯。我們認為是天地萬物出了錯，因為我們是憑個人的感覺而言！當你考慮到這一點，就真正站對了立場。
那么，我們該如何改變自己的觀念呢？我們一定要知道自己的觀念和信仰是什么。你不可能改變自己不明白的東西。因此，花點時間觀察自己的內心世界，當你感到失望的時候，想想是什么令你失望？真的是因為當時的情況，還是因為某個人，或者因為他們沒有按照你認為的那樣表現？這樣做的時候，要慢慢地強迫自己看清楚更全面的形勢發展，迫使自己從一個新視角去看待當時情況，以正確的態度對待正在發生的事情。我相信，你越這樣做，失望的感覺就越少，因為你看問題不會再那么就人而論。你還會開始認識到形勢發展就應該是以這種方式，不管它是否符合你的信仰。這將有助于你更好地控制情緒，更好地掌握自己的表現和行動。你還能夠把所有挑戰當作機會，進而豐富和發展自己的生活，推動自己的生活向前進，因為你再也不會不斷地受到失望的重擊。
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