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第一幕：喝酒

武松：Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, the most famous, the most clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (嘆氣，唉….跟音樂一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! The girl is dangerous.

武松(見到酒店一家)：A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (進屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine!

小二：Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer?

武松：(暈暈乎乎地)How much is the XO?

小二：1880 ( 展示大瓶酒，醒目的標價)。

武松：Open…Open…..(噴嚏)(小二將酒瓶起開)

武松：(面怒，片刻無語)Open the window please!Not the wine. I want some er guo tou! It’s strong enough.

小二

[熱門]新《水滸》 ：You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 轉身倒碗二鍋頭)，Ok. Here you are.

武松：Anything to eat?

小二：Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza?

武松：Ten pizzas, please.

小二: Here you are!

武松：(喝一口酒)Good wine, very good wine!

(小二上了兩碗酒www.seo0793.com，武松喝了，卻是不再倒了)

武松：I want more wine. Why not serve me?服務員!淘寶最有效的減肥藥排行榜怎么不倒酒了?

小二：Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官，要比薩餅就給您，這酒就不添了。

武松：(生氣) Why? I have money! (扔錢倒桌上)

掌柜：Look! (指著 “三碗不過岡”牌子)。This wine is very strong. One bowl, comfortable. Two bowls, can’t walk. Three bowls, drunk and fall!，(叫店小二示范) 喝一碗神清氣爽，喝兩碗保你渾身無力，喝三碗就立刻醉倒，最多喝保證你酒精中毒，命都沒有了……

武松：(喝一口，擠笑)Who am i? Wu Song! Even 18 bowls is nothing for me. Give me wine!(咆哮，敲桌子) 不是我狂妄，這酒勁雖大，可我絕對是應付得了，就是喝上十八碗也只是漱口而已，倒酒www.jdlqq.com!

掌柜：But you must call this number first.(掏出手機，出示電話號碼， 旁邊注明棺材預訂)， Then I will serve you more wine.

武松：(勉強同意，做打電話狀)Hello!.......

小二：Here is your wine. But your last meal, I think.你的酒來了!慢慢喝，估計是你最后一頓了。

(武松冷哼一聲。一次次舉起大碗，眨眼間十八碗酒就下了肚吃完了，拎著他的棍子就走)

小二：Where are you going, sir?

服務員：Oh, my god. You want to die? There is a tiger there. It has eaten 30 People. You’d better not go today. It’s dark. 客官萬萬去不得!如今景陽岡上有只華南虎，天一黑就出來害人，已經害了三十幾個人，官府限期叫獵戶去捉，岡下都有廣告，除了中午，都不能過岡，現在已經快天黑了，你不要命就去吧。我看你還是在我這里住一晚最好。

武松：(醉醺醺地) A tiger? I’ll kill it! Look ! I am so strong. I am good at Kong Fu!(秀肌肉，舞弄棍子，踢腿。)老虎?我要殺了它! 看我有多壯!我的功夫多棒!

掌柜：You are drunk. Don’t go.看你這樣子就知道你喝多了，怎么說起胡話了?可萬萬去不得!

武松：(生氣) Go away! (搖搖晃晃走了) 切，減肥藥哪種好最討厭人家小看我了，一邊呆著去。

掌柜：(搖頭嘆氣)e mi tuo fo! God bless you! A men! (阿彌陀佛，上帝保佑，阿門)