Yes, kissing ass can help you get ahead. But studies have also shown that when it’s obvious it can backfire.The following seven techniques for ingratiation and influence are most effective in moving up the corporate ladder without looking like a kiss-ass:
沒錯，拍馬屁確實能幫助你平步青云，不過研究也表明，當你的奉承太過明顯的時候，那反而會弄巧成拙。下面介紹七種最有效的溜須拍馬之術(shù)，不僅能讓你扶搖直上，還能讓你拍馬屁也不著痕跡。
1.Frame flattery as likely to make the boss uncomfortable. …one manager noted that he commonly prefaces flattering remarks with such phrases as “I don’t want to embarrass you but. . . ,” or “I know you won’t want me to say this but. . . ,” or “You’re going to hate me for saying this but…
1.先抑后揚地拍馬屁。有一個經(jīng)理表示，他經(jīng)常面對諸如此類的恭維話語：“我不想讓你覺得尷尬，但是……”，或“我知道你不希望我提起，但是……”，或“我說了你恐怕要怪我，但是……”
2.Frame flattery as advice seeking. …One manager suggested, “. . . if I wanted someone else to know that I admire him, rather than saying ‘I really admire you,’ I would be more likely to ask him for advice: ‘How were you able to pull off that strategy so successfully?’ something like that . . . the basic question is, how can I replicate your success?” Such questions frame flattery as an attempt to learn from alter rather as an attempt to curry favor…”
2.尋求建議式的拍馬屁。一位經(jīng)理建議說，“……假如我想讓某人知道我很崇拜他，與其說‘我崇拜你’，我更傾向于向?qū)Ψ綄で蠼ㄗh：‘你怎么能做到那么成功地推動那條戰(zhàn)略的?’諸如此類。這類的模板是，我要如何復(fù)制你的成功?”這樣的馬屁就好像我是想從對方身上學(xué)到什么，而不是想要巴結(jié)他。”
3.Argue prior to agreeing with the boss. “…A focal actor may reduce the likelihood that opinion conformity is interpreted as ingratiation by challenging an influence target’s opinion prior to agreeing with him or her. The focal actor’s expression of agreement is then more likely to be interpreted as a genuine affirmation of alter’s opinion rather than as an attempt to curry favor…”
3.贊成老板的意見之前先提出異議。“一個優(yōu)秀的演員會先提出反對意見，再贊同老板的意見，通過這種方式拍馬屁就會不著痕跡。因為這種贊同表現(xiàn)得更像是一種對別人意見的充分肯定而不是在溜須拍馬。”
4.Find out the boss’s position without asking him, then mention it in front of him as your own.…As one manager suggested, “. . . if you just keep agreeing with the boss it might seem like you’re sucking up . . . but if you find out the boss’ opinion on a policy from talking to his friend and then later in talking to the boss you raise the same opinion . . . it would come across as more sincere.”
4.在不問本人的前提下得知老板的立場，然后在他面前以你的立場的形式提出。一位經(jīng)理這么說，“假如你總是同意你老板的意見或許會顯得你在拍馬屁……但是如果你通過和老板的朋友聊天找出了老板關(guān)于某個政策的意見，然后在和你老板講話時提出相同的意見……那就顯得誠懇多了。”
5.Complimenting the boss to the boss’s friend. As one manager put it, “. . . complimenting someone to his face is kind of obvious brown-nosing, or at least suspect. If you regularly say nice things about him to his friend though, he [the influence target] will almost always find out about it eventually, and it will mean a lot more when he does.”
5.在老板的朋友面前夸他。一位經(jīng)理這么說，“在本人面前拍馬屁顯然是非常諂媚的，至少是可疑的。但是如果你總在老板的朋友面前說一些關(guān)于他的好話，他(你想恭維的目標)遲早會發(fā)現(xiàn)的，而且那對他來說也會比當面拍馬屁要更加有意義。”
6.Show the boss you have the same values. …As one manager suggested, “I’ve found that a good way to begin a discussion is to make some reference to something that’s important to me personally and that I have reason to believe is important to the other person—sometimes it’s my religious conviction, sometimes it’s my commitment to environmental protection, sometimes it’s my family . . . [when asked why:] they’re more likely to trust whatever I say afterward.”
6.向老板的價值觀看齊。一位經(jīng)理說，“我發(fā)現(xiàn)開啟討論的一個好辦法是：從我覺得重要的觀點入手，我覺得重要的東西對其他人來說應(yīng)該也是很重要的。這些重要的東西可以是宗教信仰，或者對環(huán)境保護的認同，或者是我的家人……如果對方向我詢問理由了，那么我之后說的話就更容易被相信了。”
7.Mention a group membership that the two of you have in common. …As one manager put it, “If I’m trying to influence someone I might start the conversation by mentioning a group or organization that I know we both belong to . . . [when asked what sort of group:] might be a political party, a religious organization . . . [when asked why:] I think it helps build trust so you can be more convincing.”
7.提起一個和你有共同點的團隊成員。一位經(jīng)理說，“假如我試圖影響某人，我會通過提起一個我們都從屬于的組織或圈子來開啟對話。(如果問我有那些圈子的話)那或許是一個政治黨派，一個宗教組織”……(如果問我為什么的話)我認為那有助于建立信任，那樣我就可以更有說服力。”
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